there is a quality of innocence that is infectious.

a throw away line, a small jibe in response to a question, taken at face value and repeated. the wonderful sweetness of the misunderstanding is in itself so enticing, so much better than the slightly sarcastic original, that it is inspiring.

this inspiration can become something to live up to, the line turn into a mantra, a promise to be upheld, a gift to be honoured.

anything you want baby

the sense of something can lead one to believe it is from a bygone era, only to be seen at a retrospective, an over used toy that has lost any value to entertain.

there is a different sense of time, that has no beginning and no end as if things always existed in the way that they do right now.

events from the past become like stories from someone else’s life, you know what happened and know how the people feel but there is a dislocate, as if these stories no longer belong to you. thoughts of the future also fade away, so engrossed by what is right in front of you.

the present

this is a present that you wont find left under a tree, a present that you can’t add to a list in the hope that santa may oblige, a present that you may not have thought was ever going to be your’s, you were off the list due to bad behavior.

tomorrow is a new today and today we have so much to celebrate.

we spend so much of our lives talking about emotional baggage, knowing full well that the feelings we carry from the past can slow us down.

do the physical things we pick up along the way also leave us with scars, add weight, tie us to the past.

let us together empty out our bags, put everything on the table, make an inventory our lives right now, as they stand, no secrets.

let us together carry on, just that little bit lighter.

time is non refundable.

the places and people that you spend time with change you forever. you may never know the way in which you have been changed until you revisit.

your friend’s eyes are a mirror into where you are at, what has changed and what is fundamental to who you are.

if you are blessed enough to have friendships that have survived the test of time. take a little time out of your day to say hello.

the basin reserve in wellington reminds me of a more innocent time. one of the most vivid memories of my early childhood was going to see an india versus new zealand test series.

the done thing during drinks and meal breaks was to go onto the field with a bat and ball and play cricket yourself. groups of people all around the boundary with there own little games of tipeny runs cricket.

there are photos from this series of my dad, brother, sister my friend adam, our uncle george and myself, I looked at those photos over and over again, the stories of those days were family favourites.

i wonder if those vivid memories from those days are mine at all, or were created in the retelling.

there is something stormy about my nature. something rough.

it is as if most whole being craves experience, hungers for more.

when it is not there, my feelings start to shout in protest.

give me more.

when something is being watched and measured the act of watching and checking often has an effect on the thing being watched. in physics this is called the observer effect.

if one wants to see the true nature of things it is best to put some distance between yourself and the thing you wish to observe.

this is one way to get closer to finding out the truth.

it is easy to take for granted the silent ways with which we communicate with each other.

occasionally you may get the opportunity to move perspective, a slight change in focus and these cues become as bold as the first time your ever came across them.

these are pictures from a day when a very important promise was broken.

the thing that i beat myself up over is that i knew that i knew that the promise was little more than words and yet i took big risks with my life hoping it was more than that.

i am putting this here to remind myself to once again trust my instincts about people, to listen to my own heart when what i am being told does not seem true.

please forgive me for being so indirect.

i am perhaps a little unsure, so unsure that i can’t even be direct about that.

i haven’t been sure about anything for a long time, changing conditions, mixed signals, unfulfilled promise.

i have shrunk to accept these as facts of life at least for me, at least for now.

there is something about the way we engage that has my head full of questions.

is it that you want to save me?